Urban Camping

Today Hulk have to move in Hulk Dad's old house. This is Hulk's childhood house--yes is true everything much smaller than Hulk remember. Now it have no TV and no internet--it kind of rough. Should only be for week. At least Hulk have shower readily available. Maybe Hulk should buy beer. No TV and no beer make Hulk...something something.

Your Stories Suck

Someone Hulk know now writes "stories" about life. They encouraged by friends to keep doing this. Hulk not sure why. Maybe friends like rambling stream of consciousness stories. Maybe friends "bi-curious" no not bisexual--curious about ramblings of bipolar mind. Now Hulk invited to be a member of "group" of "Freakazoid's stories" (that not name of group---but would be improvement). Hulk wishes Hulk would could be honest...Dear Freakazoid, your stories suck. Love Hulk.

Contractors!

Hulk in middle of renovation of crap shack. Roof needs to be redone and need new bathroom. Tell Hulk not allowed to take shower anymore. Hulk take shower at dojo but now Hulk have permanent bed-head. Ha-ha no one know difference you say.
Some contractors try to swindle Hulk think Hulk is big dummy. Hulk on to you. Also Hulk not have enough money to be swindled. Is turnip or stone or one of those things. One of those poor things.

job survey

Hulk apply for job at famous company. They require survey on leadership qualities--maybe groupthink. Questions are a little weird "If a chimpanze, a bear and you were on a team and you had to implement one idea from your group which one would it be?" This complicated Hulk don't like bear's idea involving Hulk getting eaten but maybe he six sigma--who Hulk to judge? But what if chimp's idea was to kill the bear and he had a knife? He look pretty smart too. What if was Hulk's idea to run like hell and let bear eat the chimp would that not make Hulk a "team player?" Safe to say Hulk probably not get interview.

Hulk miss you

Hulk not post in a while. But Hulk now realize that Hulk not able to be Hulk on Facebook. How you let these recent status updates go?:
"is proud of Senator Kennedy's legacy. We need more unashamed liberals. May the angels lead you into paradise." (Hulk cut and paste this) If by "angels" you mean whores and "paradise" you mean booze cruise then I think well maybe...if he's lucky.
Here another one: "Renal Ultrasound, baby!" How the hell Hulk supposed to respond to this? Is she proud of the procedure? Excited? How can Hulk "unlearn" this fact?
Also Hulk sick of status update cop outs--song lyrics especially hip-hop which make you even more white.
No one respect the "craft" of the good status update--it ok to take a day off or even two to come up with good one... whew...Hulk feel better now.

Maru!

Muderous Rage

Bar examiner make too hard want to go murder. Hulk think they do this just so we know what it like to have mental state to kill. It depend on state whether this "intentionally" or "purposefully" who cares? Hulk want kill you. 'nuff said.

If you doing something fun, Hulk kill you. If you have problems Hulk want to kill you. If you bring Hulk food...let you live. But you should back out of house slowly because once Hulk done...Hulk will have forgotten that you brought food in first place. Like tiger at zoo.

If Facebook were Gen X

Hulk think Facebook is quintessentially Gen Y. All quizzes--your power animal is phoenix or eagle! You awesome! Hulk think if Gen X Facebook: first, would have "Emo Bunny" pictured here as mascot. Both cute and ironically hilarious. Second, quizzes would be more realistic like, your power animal is a mole. You stay underground eating grubs, you are disgusting to look at if fact looking at you I just threw up in my mouth a little, and if you think there will be Social Security when you retire, you crazy.

Corny Time

Reader notice that Hulk absent from blog? Is because Hulk trying to spare you from endless barrage of horrible legal jokes. That all Hulk can come up with in time of study. They kind that make people's eyes roll...
Hulk will say this as general observation, whoever said "possession is 9/10th of the law" had head up their ass. If that was case, Hulk would have been done studying a month ago. Now if they had said "a four point balancing test is 9/10th of the law" Then Hulk would believe. Thanks a lot Justice O'Connor...damn your rational reasoning--now Hulk have to memorize all that shit.

Least dramatic

Except for SO of course, Hulk is least dramatic monster in Hulk SO's family. Status updates of cousin are cryptic and dramatic with allusions to impending doom yet no more information. Hulk really really want to say something sarcastic. Like status update says, "it hurts but has to be done." Hulk want to say "the first Brazilian bikini wax of the summer is the worst." But Hulk doesn't because she is getting a divorce and it is probably something bad. She no say. Hulk thinks she doing this on purpose like get out of sarcasm free card.

Runaway Hulk

Hulk want to run away from home. Home is dying, need plumber but Hulk need study not want plumber in house but need running water. Hulk a mess. Want to run away from problems. Calgon take Hulk away! Oh, can't even do that now.

Legal (non) Dirty words Round 2

Hulk think while studying for bar is now time once again for legal words that sound dirty but are not. Today is "Property" (older the law nastier it get)
1. Right of re-entry
2. Remainder subject to open
3. Testator

Bring it on people.

Hulk is scribe

Hulk is now member of "National Order of Scribes" which is funny to Hulk. This not fake thing like "who's-who" Hulk not have to pay. School pick top 5 legal writers. Hulk think picked because is getting "mighty hump" from bending over laptop all day.

bad childhood

Studying for bar is like reliving childhood. Sometime Hulk think...Hulk remember that. Sometimes--oh yeah Hulk forgot but now remember. But sometimes is like when childhood friend remembers whole series of events and no recollection at all. Maybe Hulk have traumatic childhood and now must block out memory. Turns out professor just never got to that stuff....or is it???

"preview" class--whatev...

Apparently Hulk supposed to start studying for the bar now in taking an online "preview" class. Hulk got back from vacation about 2 hours ago and instead is going out for coffee and spend graduation gift certificates.

Jenny and Chad

Gentle reader,
You probably know that Hulk has now indeed graduated. Hulk inspired to get job even more because last night was another "incident." Apparently Chad and Jenny have broken up for good, even though Jenny has daughter with Chad but she cheat on him and is apparently both slut and whore. Hulk know this because they screaming at top of lungs right outside hulk house. Top of lungs. Hulk SO immediately go to Sibcy-Cline website shaking head.

more Norwood awesomeness

Hulk play tennis today at local court. Court is actually nice--donated by Carl Lindner he either from or owns Norwood. Anyway, Hulk SO go get drink in fountain and what find...giant turd. Giant. Hulk not know if human or giant dog. Way to class it up Norwood. Hulk want to get job so can move away.

No more school or work!

Hulk only have exams...even horrible impending exam cannot ruin awesome feeling.

one more week classes!

Hulk have one more week classes! Just gave the Dean scathing teacher evaluation. Said worst class ever even though four college degrees. Did not tell him Hulk in therapy that maybe too much info. Maybe just send him bill.

When two Hulks go to war....

Hulk own sister need smashing...what should Hulk do? Get off the line or confront?

Legal children's names

May seem like good idea should not name child a "legal" name.
Here are some examples:
Erisa--(too high maintenance), Rico (guaranteed trouble with gangs), Subpoena (slutty--she always comes over when you call), Cobra (although good name for dog), Miranda (all criminals will know her), Hippa (sounds like a "fatty"--plus she's a pain in the ass).

Hulk attack!

Hulk almost mowed down today by woman at Grocery store with "Jazzy." Hulk not sure whether she now able to control it or not care---it was going fast. Hulk fate was imminent crash if not for basic mistrust of others and fast reaction times.

Hidden Friends

What would it take for Hulk to "hide" a friend on Facebook. Is very complicated math.
First, more like acquaintance higher probability. Also:
1. Picking your 5 favorite beers and all are Miller Lite=hide(also dead to me)
2. Already a weirdo + inappropriate profile photo that is not funny = hide
3. Nice guy who is professional writer & teaches creative writing + status update that he is getting teeth cleaned = hide.

Rachel Ray Show=Unwatchable

Hulk watch RRS for about 2 minutes. Hulk is significantly stupider for it. Better way to kill brain cells is drink self into stupor. Hulk thinks this would not pass Geneva Convention if played to prisoners. RR is a millionaire because she so popular. Hulk very scared for America.

When you want to have bad day

Having a bad week? Want to make worse? Try this--log all the food you eat in computer program. Go over to friend's house and have some snacks then faithfully record data. Realize that you have eaten ridiculous amount of calories and fat. Maybe computer program will do pie chart for you. Wonder no further why you have back fat.

Legal (non) Dirty words

Here some legal words that sound dirty but not--"agency and partnership" edition:
1. Disgorge
2. Arm's length
3. wrongful expulsion...

Hulk throw gauntlet down--(corporations terms also acceptable)

Hulk Implode

Hulk has managed to smash self and is slowly imploding. Hulk get hurt doing non-complicated task. Hulk is falling apart. If Hulk get hurt should have some cool story behind it like: jumping between buildings on rooftops, wrestling a bear or cutting own leg off to free self from Hulk trap.

Letter to Norwood

Dear Norwood,
You are loud. You should buy muffler. You should get all of your loose belts fixed too. Also, stop "hawking" outside Hulk's window. You should know that your children play in dumpsters, with rusty pipes and shards of glass. Hulk sees and hears all of this. You should crack down on slumlords. You not be so broke if you penalize. You are dumb.

Love,
The Hulk

Hulk not forget

Hulk not abandon blog...some things not appropriate on FB...like fundamental problems with legal education and practice of law and....how some people smell.

Jokes

Hulk think could write for Jay Leno: "Today hear that Warren Buffet lost $25 billion dollars last year. It was $30 billion but his wife found $5 billion in his pants pocket when doing the laundry."
That about the correct amount of lameness for him Hulk thinks.

look alikes

Misnomer

This Spring Break is all lie. Hulk not have much break at all. Not Hulk idea of fun to learn intricacies of check cashing rules. Granted Hulk get to do tiny bit of smashing this weekend--but not enough... learning Uniform Commercial Code is NOT same as drinking margaritas. Hulk know what you say, Why not both? Cannot understand UCC sober...for reals.

Things Hulk learn this semester

Hulk learnding...This what Hulk learn so far:
1. Crack addicts make untrustworthy police snitches.
2. Electronic checks have to abide by the NACHO rules.
3. Never try.

Freak out

Hulk take class--is not good. Hulk not do good on "mid term." Hulk part of group when "partner" do bad reflects badly on Hulk's grade. Hulk sick this morning--one partner up in front of class today...apparently it not go so well. Hulk is upset. Hulk need class to graduate....Hulk....borderline...despondent... :(

Hulk submit lol cat

Maybe Hulk make lol home page put on resume

Literalism

Hulk feel like new monster

Hulk kind of....happy...weird thing..Hulk looking forward to unemployment? Can get rest? Hulk hate to work and feel trapped? ....oh crap Hulk better talk to therapist. Hulk has "peter-pan monster syndrome" Is like peter pan syndrome but more smashing.

things looking up

Things not all bad for Hulk. Hulk refinance and save $200 a month. Hulk SO work on computer and work much better. Hulk sad about no job but everyone else in same boat. What a Hulk to do....

It get worse

Hulk work say they not hire attorney now. Yet want Hulk to stay as long as Hulk need. How about Hulk stay until need attorney? It not work that way. Is very hard to stay...Hulk understand why when fire they walk you out with security guard....want to get smashing!!!

Hulk a mess

Hulk have problems. Hulk crazy busy. Hulk get "brows" waxed--(monsters get "monobrow" too) but lady forgot to use monster compatible wax and now redness and bumps. Almost as if Hulk look like some kind of monster....oh wait.
Also, Hulk computer catch virus--software caught it but now Hulk freaked. How Hulk know it gone? Was Trojan horse....this not good...so if any reader get email from Hulk about penis enlargement--it may or may not be from Hulk.

Protype for new Heisman Trophy

Hulk think old one needs updating....

Hot Koala on Koala action

Apparently Koalas in captivity get bored and turn lesbian And still it not seem nasty but adorable...that Koalas for ya.

Hulk is watching

Hulk bored in class and look at girl IMing in front of Hulk--Hulk see phrases that crack Hulk up like:
"Communication is key you taught me that."
"I'm so happy to be your man."

Who talk like this? Hulk know--someone who want to get laid...

snow day!!

Hulk have snow day today! Awesome. Of course Hulk do homework but at least no class. Hulk love the white death.

Ambulance!

Is like Curious George story. Hulk go in ambulance! Hulk have adverse reaction to medicine. Call 911 at school. Ring ring! have siren on and everything. Hulk fine now. No more medicine for Hulk. Yuck.

Hulk Have Actual Authority to Smash

Hulk take Agency--is useful class. Problem is work in groups of 4. This would not be problem but odds are going to get D-bag. Guess what--got one...is total jackass. Hulk need to be more intimidating. Hulk try be civil. Really just better if guy scared--will work through problems faster than he second-guessing everything. Hulk have authority to "bind"...yep "bind your hands" and tape your mouth...and pummel your face.... Maybe Hulk when meet new people should just throw them across room--Hulk think will get some respect that way....then everyone just move forward.

This make Hulk laugh everytime

Jumping Jacks Iraq-style

Hulk think they trying train police force. Or bringing ballet to Bagdad. Really could be either one.

Help help Hulk being repressed!

Hulk realize one reason why work no fun. Hulk not allowed to be Hulk because is lower than dirt and not aloud to joke much. One partner walk by with all brown outfit on...head to toe--other co-worker says "you're looking very brown today." Hulk really really want to say "What can Brown do for you?" Hulk not say this....Hulk think this a good move career-wise but Hulk die a little bit inside.

Jesus touched me

Jesus taught me to annunciate.
After bridge--which is awesome in own right note lyric is "Jesus came and found me and touched me down inside." About 1:45

Super-broker shuffle

This good thing. Hulk like Grey Poupon guy. Hard to believe that was best "take."

What Hulk find on Internets

Hulk look real hard for clip of Jan-Michael Vincent so drunk on set....Hulk remembered is awesome. So far no can find--if any reader find it please post. Anyway, Hulk find this "short story" which must be self published. Is excellently bad. Here a preview: "Lester’s balls and I go way back."

Chimp on Segway

Bobo! You know tell Hulk this on Japanese show--this important for Hulk. Thanks.

Diamond Dave

Last year there was on internets audio track only of DLR singing Running With the Devil. Now someone make soundboard. NSFW--not because nudity but is loud and awesome and you laugh at work.

Dear Work

Dear Work,

Hulk not too crazy about you these days. You bore Hulk today. Sometimes you make Hulk panic, other times put Hulk to sleep. Either way is crap. You lucky you pay Hulk. Hulk realize law work is lonely work. Is for nerds. Hulk misses interacting with co-workers. Other law students here are D-bags they not count. No talk to Hulk. Work...you on notice.

Sincerely,

Hulk

Dear law school

Dear law school,
Hulk hate you. Wish you go away. One more semester come not soon enough. You know what Hulk will not miss most of all? D-bag students (and many professors).
You think I give to alumni fund? Then you really crazy.
After May you are dead to Hulk.

Sincerely,

Hulk

Parrot

Cat and parrot